


maybe i feel stabby

by winterbitch (WinterLadyy)



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Feral Jaskier | Dandelion, M/M, POV Outsider, Stabbing, Tired Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, and jaskier is just a rabid racoon, yennefer is impressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23827966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterLadyy/pseuds/winterbitch
Summary: “Do you promise not to stab anyone?”“No.”“Jaskier.”“Don’t you ‘Jaskier” me, Geralt, it’s not my fault they’re all idiots and don’t deserve to live. They’re not using their brains anyway."
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 27
Kudos: 971





	maybe i feel stabby

**Author's Note:**

> its crack what can i say

“Do you promise not to stab anyone?”

“No.”

“Jaskier.”

“Don’t you ‘Jaskier” me, Geralt, it’s not my fault they’re all idiots and don’t deserve to live. They’re not using their brains anyway,” the bard snarls with a wild glint in his eyes.

Geralt just sighs deeply and tightens his hold on the other man. Yennefer is content with watching it all unfold but even she has to admit that she wasn’t expecting _this_ when she redirected the spell.

Her reasoning was sound but faulty because of one simple unknown - Jaskier the bard. Yennefer doesn’t know him well and her opinion of him is pretty low but with every hour under the spell it’s rising quite quickly.

So far the bard has broken 3 chairs over people's head, tore a sorcerer's throat out with his teeth and stabbed 5 people before Geralt got there and pulled him away. None of them are dead but Yennefer wouldn't care either way, as they really are way too stupid to be alive.

“You can’t go around stabbing people,” Geralt sighs deeply, looking tired and done with everything.

Yennefer can’t relate, she’s having the time of her life watching a bard go absolutely rabid. She’s seen wild dogs less rabid than him.

“They can’t just insult you after you saved them, Geralt, that’s not how it is,” Jaskier insists.

“That’s how it always was.”

“Not with me here,” the bard almost growls, whipping out one dagger again.

Geralt is quick to grab it and make Jaskier hide it away again but they’re all aware that Jaskier just will stab someone again. The curse makes him lose control of himself in a fight and Yennefer never anticipated so much anger and spite in the bard’s colorfully-clad body.

Yennefer was sure that making the bard bear the brunt of the curse instead of Geralt, but now she’s rethinking that. She had no idea how much anger and murderous tendencies was hiding in that body.

“Lets just leave,” Geralt finally sighs, looking at the slowly setting sun.

“Absolutely not,” Yennefer quickly shuts it down. “I am quite tire and do not fancy sleeping on the ground again. That spell was powerful.”

“He will just kill everyone in this village,” Geralt states flatly.

“Not if they stop being stupid,” Jaskier helpfully provides with a sunny smile. He doesn’t look like a man capabke of murder but his green doublet is streaked with red and the steel of the dagger is glistening in the setting sun. He looks a bit deranged.

Yennefer is quite impressed.

“That will never happen,” she hears Geralt mutter under his breath but finally, they stumble back into the tavern.

The barkeeper looks a bit as if he wants to throw them out, but not many are stupid enough to say that to a sorceress, a Witcher and a man who just stabbed 5 people.

Soon enough they have wine and food, and Jaskier relaxes slowly, teasing Geralt and stealing food from his plate. Yennefer rolls her eyes at their love but she’s only pretending to be annoyed. They do fit together surprisingly well.

Their quiet evening is once again interrupted by some drunk man slamming his hands on the table next to Geralt. The Witcher just looks up at him, face stone-cold, and that only seems to make the man angrier.

He looks just about ready to start saying something, when a knife lodges itself in the table millimeters from the man’s finger. The tavern goes quiet again.

Yen turns to face the bard, already knowing the anger she’ll see there.

“I have another knife,” the bard informs everyone. “Next one goes straight through your hand. Think if you really want to speak now.”

The man stares at the knife for a few seconds before making a hasty exit, and the conversations pick up again. Geralt is glaring at Jaskier, though the bard seems completely unbothered, pulling the knife from the table with some difficulty.

“Don’t glare, Geralt, it really doesn’t impress me that much,” Jaskier chuckles. “Besides, I didn’t stab him so I don’t know why you’re angry. Learn to love yourself, my dear.”

Geralt just sighs again and goes back to his stew. Even the Witcher knows that some battles are not worth picking.


End file.
